Creating a new path forward

I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence,
but it comes from within. It is there all the time  - Anne Frank

I remember sitting at my Kitchen table mid-2017, I was working from home, and I had hang up from a meeting with my leader – this was the moment I asked myself “Why are you still doing this?”.

But I get ahead of myself, you see I had made it! I was a highly successful professional with further career opportunities available, a single mother to two beautiful girls, our own home with a dog and a cubbyhouse in the backyard, and loving connections with my family and friends – I was living the my dream.

Ironically, everything that made this possible was the trust and belief others had in me. You could say that I fell into leadership. I was fortunate to have leaders who believed in me more than I believed in myself. They gave me an opportunity that I didn't ask for, wasn't expecting but have been so grateful for, because it made me fall madly and deeply in love with leadership.

And, some may say coincidentally, I became a mother at the same time I became a leader, very quickly identifying the parallels between raising a family and building a high functioning team.

And yes, it wasn't always easy or fun. I made mistakes. But I learnt more about myself than I ever imagined and I was so passionate about people that I spent as much time as I could learning how I could get the best from myself, so in turn, I could get the best from my team; not because of results, but because I genuinely cared for my team members and helping them become better humans.

Quickly building a reputation for ‘fixing broken teams’, although none of them were ever broken and none of them really needed fixing, they simply needed someone who was clear, honest, created connection and genuinely cared about them as human beings; my career progressed and I was given greater opportunities to develop my own leadership skills, working my way into middle management and then executive leadership.

And in parallel raising my beautiful family, leading by example, living life through adventure and experience; surrounding ourselves with those we loved and who made us laugh.

I was living my dream … so why then did I feel so frustrated, discontent, dissatisfied and well, simply unhappy? And of course, it felt wrong to say this out loud, ungrateful, even given the privileged life I have lived, the opportunities I can afford, the success I’d achieved.

But that was my truth and the internal conflict I fought every day as I pretended and continued my charade.

So that Friday morning, mid 2017 I asked myself “Why are you still doing this?”

• Why did I still ponder over the why’s, the how’s and what could have beens? Why did I let go of those dreams? Why hadn’t I achieved the things I set out to do early in my life? How did I get to where I am? How did I get so off track? Compromising on so much, instead of taking action and getting back on my path!

• Why did I still continue to base decisions and choices on what other’s think? When I was honest, many of my life choices where sub-conscious choices, safe choices based on beliefs, norms and expectations of others I’d learnt to be my truth. But NOT conscious choice directing me down the path of my dreams, wants and desires.

• Why did I still put up with leaders behaving badly? Leaders who simply didn't know why they were leaders or why they wanted to be a leader? Leaders who didn't understand themselves enough, nor the people working for them. Leaders mis-aligned between their head, heart and gut. Their thoughts, feelings and actions. Leaders not being true to themselves.

• And the epiphany; why was I still not being true to me?! I wasn’t being my true authentic self. I was mis-aligned, and this was the internal conflict, discontent and unhappiness I felt.

Since then, I have consciously chosen to unpack these ‘untruths’ and redefine my own truth that aligns to my strengths, my worth and my potential. I made the decision to become a a purposeful, conscious leader creating joy from helping others see their personal truth and unpack their true potential.

Now I choose to make a greater impact each and every day; working with executive leaders and aspiring executive leaders, particularly women, allowing them to step into their power and own their success, so they can lead themselves and others confidentially, with intent and purpose, through the development of conscious leadership.