Self-doubt Is Not A Barrier, It's Part Of The Process
Have you ever had one of those inspirational light bulb moments and before you can tell anyone, you've already talked yourself out of it and remained silent? Or worse, you share the idea with others, then at a later time when they ask about the progress, you hear yourself expressing all forms of excuses as to why there is none? Why? Because you talked yourself out of it!
The fact is, self-doubt can be paralysing.
What actually lies behind self-doubt? Fear. We hold ourselves back from experiencing new opportunities, chasing our desires and dreams and real growth because of fear. Fear of failure. Fear of being humiliated. Fear of not being supported. Fear of being judged by others. Fear of not being taken seriously. Fear of saying the wrong thing. Fear of what others think of you, are you liked or not. Fear of making mistakes. Fear of being found out. Fear of being excluded. Fear of being misunderstood. Fear of not being good enough. So, we play it safe.
Ask yourself this question, ‘how has playing it safe been working out for you?’ The reality is self-doubt is part of the process if you wish to grow, learn, and succeed! You need to learn to feel self-doubt, take a deep breath and take a step forward despite it. This is how you become a better leader, a better colleague, a better partner, a better parent, a better friend. I can already hear your inner voice saying, "Oh, that's easy for you to say, for me it’s different, or it’s harder for women”. It’s not, self-doubt and confidence do not discriminate based on gender or anything else. Everyone experiences self-doubt.
A study conducted by the Columbia Business School found that everyone experiences self-doubt, even men. Yes, men experience doubt, but are more likely to take action anyway, whereas women are more likely to allow doubt to stop them in their tracks, a feeling of paralysis; remaining within their comfort zones, taking minimal, if any, risks in their careers and life success.
When discussing self-doubt and how it plays out in our lives I am reminded of Maree. Maree started working with me because she needed help in understanding what her next steps were in her life. She felt directionless, stale, unchallenged and unclear on what she wanted next. It became clear, very quickly, that she knew exactly what she wanted from her career, from life; she had known for a long time. Her dream, her desire was to work at a particular level within a particular industry where she could make the biggest change and impact in the areas that mattered to her.
Clarity wasn’t her problem; she was paralysed by her own self-doubt. She feared what her family and friends would say and think about her choice, she feared she didn’t have the right experience or qualifications, she feared no one would take her seriously, she feared being visible and putting herself out there; she was suffering from imposter syndrome and chronic self-doubt. The consequences of taking the risk of realising any one of these fears was too great in her mind. Yet, as we continued to work together, she realised that there were consequences to staying where she was too; and that in actual fact, these consequences were far greater than those of her fears. Consequences of never being fulfilled, living without purpose, over analysing every little thing, emotionally drained; generally finding life and work a chore.
As we continued to work together, she began to see the importance of self-doubt and the role it plays in perusing your passions and developing yourself personally. How they guided her in understanding where the opportunities really lie and what action or direction she should take. Once she could see it was part of the process, she was able to take action towards her goal, not because she didn’t feel self-doubt anymore. On the contrary she did! She acted despite feelings of self-doubt and found that most of her fears didn’t become a reality and when they did, instead of falling back into self-doubt, she doubled down on her passions and took what learnings she could from the experience. Maree now finds herself in an executive role in her dream industry and she has plans to go all the way to the top!
Have you been feeling self-doubt and would like to take action despite it?
Get clear on what you want, not what others want or expect from you. If anything is possible, what do you really want? What does it look like, feel like, sound like? Take time to play with the ideas that come up. Don’t let your self-doubt destroy them before you even have a chance to imagine what life could look like?
Understand why you want what you want. Why doesn’t have to be logical, reasonable or even grandeur, but it is important! Because it's the why that you will need to come back to and reflect upon to give you purpose and strength when others criticize you, and they will, but that is ok.
Be selective in who you tell at first. If the idea of what you want is too different from where you are now, for some people in your circle, then don't share it with them straight away. In fact, you might not share it with anyone until the idea sits comfortably with you and you have belief in yourself.
Identify the gaps between where you are now and where you want to be.
Take action to start closing the gap. Make a list of 30 things you either need to do or can do, then choose 3 from that list that you can start TODAY!
Mindset is key. Achieving something you’ve never achieved before requires you to be different; think differently, do things differently, behave differently, otherwise you would have already achieved it. A mindset shift is needed, so find a mentor or a coach, someone who will and can support you through this process, especially when self-doubt creeps in.
“Self-doubt is not a barrier to leadership, but part of it.”
I’d love to hear you thoughts.