Choose Humility; True Leaders Tame Their Ego
ego noun your idea or opinion of yourself, especially your feeling of your own importance and ability.
Does ego have a role to play in true leadership? Some would argue yes; the ego does have a place; it feeds your identity, it gives you a sense of self-importance and worth, building self-confidence and self-belief.
But when ego goes rogue your personal sense of reality becomes a blur, you become the centre of the universe and everything becomes all about you; your importance, your abilities, your goals. Imagine a race horse and its Jockey – you being the horse and the Jockey being your ego. You're in the starting gate with your blinkers on, waiting for gates to open and when they do open the only thing you are thinking about is you be the winner; achieving your goal at all cost, with your ego on your back egging you on. You have no concern for anyone around you, except how to get others out of your way so you can be the first over the finish line.
When ego is rogue, it is easily hurt by people and events around you, often resulting in over-reaction. Again imagine a horse race when the horse is suddenly startled by something, it will become spooked, rearing up or shying away – resulting in injury and detrimentally affecting those around it.
But the most damaging impact of a rogue ego is the distancing and mis-trust it creates; you stop listening and learning, assuming that you know everything and have all the answers, that your opinion matters more than others. Further, when things are going well you will take full credit, but when they aren't going well, you shy away from that responsibility, distancing yourself from those around you and finding someone or something to blame.
Kenneth Hartley Blanchard, Management Expert and author/co-author of 60 books, including the all-time best seller The One Minute Manager, stated “The ego is one of the biggest barriers to people working together effectively” (www.fastcompany.com). He explains when you are caught up in your ego ie your ego goes rouge, you are caught up in your own self-importance and see yourself as the centre of all things. You put yourself first in every way; your agenda, your status, your gratification, your goals - at the expense of everything and everyone else. And this is a “deadly combination” in a business environment where collaboration is a MUST to keep up with the ever-increasing change.
I'm not suggesting you ignore ego and become egoless, or that ego is even necessarily a bad thing. We all have an ego and it plays a role in helping us identify with the world through our actions. It's how you choose to utilise, embrace and develop your ego that makes the difference in leadership. So, will you choose to use your ego for good or evil? If you have experienced what it’s like to work with someone whose ego has gone rogue you know what a toxic environment it creates. It creates mistrust, competition, isolation and individualism (every man out for himself), fear of speaking out and a culture of control by fear.
During my career in the Finance Industry I have personally experienced exactly this. A leader who let their ego go rogue, so filled with their own self-importance the only thing that mattered was that others of status perceived them as successful and important. Demonstrating all the signs of ego-driven leadership:
Had to be the centre of attention: every meeting, morning tea, event or ad-hoc hallway conversation it became all about our leader; their stories, opinions, and thoughts.
Gained pleasure from other’s failure: it wasn’t uncommon to hear our leader gossiping about others and their weaknesses, why they aren’t good enough, why they didn’t get that promotion or successfully reach that outcome.
Took credit for other’s work: when things went smoothly my leader took full credit for the results, but when something went wrong the immediate response was to create a distance from the situation and blame, which quickly turned into bullying to manage a better outcome.
Easily offended: it didn’t take much to anger our leader.
Was always right and never admitted mistakes: I quickly learnt there was no point offering ideas or suggestions on how we could improve things, they were never the right option and I would be consistently reminded why they won’t work “around here”.
Eroded trust: the above behaviours and actions created an environment of distrust, one where we watched our back, covered our tracks and kept our thoughts to ourselves.
It was not an environment that created team spirit, collaboration, diversity and inclusion; all of which are critical for success in today’s world of complexity and ambiguity. In fact, it resulted in many talented, hardworking and loyal employees finding a new environment.
“Leadership is not a popularity contest. It’s about leaving your ego at the door. The name of the game is to ‘lead without title’”
How you can tame your ego to lead successfully?
Check your intention – as a leader what is your intention? Is it to be of service to your people, your customers and your leaders? Or is it to feed your ego through improved status or power, to increase your self-importance? Your intention will quickly identify if you lead with ego.
Self-awareness – make friends with your ego and understand it, how does it define your decisions and actions. Do this through reflection, take time to reflect on how you behave and react in different situations and name what role ego plays in those situations.
Practice humility – recognise it’s not all about you, it’s about the people you serve; that it’s ok to not hold all the answers and to make mistakes; and when you do make mistakes it’s about taking ownership and reflecting on what you can do differently next time; knowing that there doesn’t have to be a right or wrong, simply perspective.
Practice mindfulness – being mindful helps detach you from ego by being present. When you are fully present, all your attention and thoughts are focussed on what is happening in each and every moment including the people in your presence and the interactions occurring.
Growth mindset – use every encounter, interaction and challenge as an opportunity to learn from yourself and others. No one single person has all the answers. No one single person is always right – seek inclusion and diversity of thought.
Collectively, we learn and succeed together
I would love to hear your thoughts about the role ego plays in leadership.